Pictures flashed in front of me. I had seen this face before. His face. These frightful but fascinating eyes seemed like there was no life beyond their long lost colours. Empty and without any expression they gazed at mine. The only fear I could have found in the reflexions within his eyes. Reality faded. I was lost.
Nervous. I had to make it in time. The name of the street was not on the map. A grey folder glided through my fingers, slipping slowly along the roof of the silver car I stepped out seconds ago. It fell to the slobbery ground freeing the files from inside to the outside world. After awaking out of confusion, I looked up from the map directly into a men with dark sunglasses wearing an even darker coat. He collected the stranded files and returned the folder without speaking any word. Then he hastily went away. This was the first time we met.
A restaurant; another meeting place in a nameless city. After pushing myself tiredly out of the rental car, I got almost knocked over. I hardly prevented myself from falling by catching the car door which was still open. Only for a moment his face was right there. I could see the acceptance of his own doom. There was no fear, but greater tiredness than one mind could probably bear. He was holding a gun in his left hand. It was him. This was the second time. It began to snow.
Sorry, he said.
This was my final thought!
April 2, 2008
Every movement freezes in your mind. Actions become series of pictures. You feel widely awake and at the same time completely numb to direct influences on yourself. The drugs produced by your body are floating your blood circulation. When you think, time stops. Your heart pumps like it tries to drown out your breaths. All muscles and tendons are tense. Your thoughts focus at the current place and time. Everything is under your control. One blink to crush the city; one thought to destroy the world.
At this state, unexpected events are often the stinging pain of reality. Nothing happens without reason. But what if we can’t find the reasons? Does reality jab you in your back? One thing is for sure: you could process a thousand pictures a second; if the flapper comes when unexpected, it won’t help at all.
The question is not: to drink or not to drink. Rather, you should ask yourself: are you fly enough to open your wings even if the light at the end of the tunnel could meet up with you halfway with a hundred miles per hour? Regret only exists in life. What drives you when you bear that in mind? Is it yesterday’s memory, the thought of tomorrow, or the possibility of none?
Sugar makes your heartbeat sweeter!
March 12, 2008
Which denomination is best? Which community offers most? The ones that promise salvation after you die or the ones giving absolution to you for a specific amount of money during your lifetime? It’s a serious question. What do you want to face after your life ends? Maybe you want to look forward to 27 virgins in heaven, 27 spankers in hell or even worse: reincarnation.
Don’t forget the conditions. Read the small printed or stone engraved carefully! Who knows if there is a possibility to complain afterwards. They might just respond with ‘Come on, you really thought there are 27 virgins up here’. You’d better gain deep insights into some sects as well. They sometimes offer a hell - sorry - a lot of freebies. Tell me if you find any with one-sin-free offers.
In case it is required: what does it even mean to really believe in something? It probably means to have faith. You should neither question nor doubt your religion. For me, right that’s a huge problem. To question everything is important as it’s the only way to grow and become an individual person with a stable and fresh mind. Change is good and necessary! I think that’s also the reason those old, dusty religions are doing not really well nowadays. In an ever faster moving world it’s quite essential to keep it up.
Forget denominations without funny paragraphs - cause, come on: life is fun!
February 22, 2008
Life is like this yellow curved fruit. You can put it in a plastic bag and within a week the only thing you can do is to throw it away. But that’s not all. Dip it in coffee and you got a vitamin and caffeine stick with an slight weird taste. Alright, what I really meant was that nothing is really straight. Life needs things to be flexible and bendable in order to fit together. The lesson here is to let yourself be a bit bendable. Don’t stick to every textbook you read and don’t be stiff like a saltstick. The time will come where the pressure on both of your ends will be to much and break you into pieces. Flexibility is a good thing. Not only in the gym.
Another speciality is the thick skin with the smooth inner potential fruitshake. Learn to accept those dark bruises on your outer layer. Time will heal them. There you are even superior to the special banana powers. Don’t let everything effect your inner-smoothie. You’ll only ruin your taste. And who will like you when you taste like an already chewed chewing gum?
After all, judge your monkey-cucumber by its skin very carefully. Most of the time, the inside will be sweeter anyway. Peeling will be worth the effort. And leave them on the tree while they’re still green. However, now I’ve gone off-topic. Security isn’t everything but flexibility is.
Be aware of a life shortage when living in a plastic bag!
February 19, 2008
Every time we don’t take a risk, we lose almost automatically. With the refusal of chances we hinder ourselves in our own further development. Security is one of the greatest enemies of evolution. This would fully support various trial and error methods. And it’s a good thing. Most times, there is more to gain than to lose. Of course, it doesn’t really make sense to jump into some dark well just to find out what’s down there. Get a rope and climb down. Remember the lyrics and sing. Look at the environment, find the reasons and talk. Don’t get too drunk and dance. Be the proof of the fact that there is only one thing that really matters. (It’s not alcohol!) It’s about this one feeling. Ah! I got it! I did it! Happiness! Don’t be afraid. If you fail - but even if you don’t, change something and try again or try something else.
Experience life! Experience is your life. Stop to learn and you’ll stop to live. Don’t live by trophies, cause that’s living in the past. Don’t pile up money. That’s living for a tomorrow that will be different in every way you could possible imagine. To live freely you have to let go of your cage. A cage built out of imaginary securities of a society of fools. A society driven by fear to stagnation. Your life is out there - everywhere. So, stop reading and turn the world around.
If you fail, enjoy it to the fullest!
February 7, 2008
On certain things in life we have absolutely no influence whatsoever. People die everyday and most of us may not be the cause for that ..I hope ..well, at least I’m not the one pushing cigarettes into your mouth. No discussion about the hard-fought vitamin sticks here - that’s not what I meant. There are specific events in everyones life where our predictions are just correct. We know what is going to happen (see When we see the blood prior to the cut). We know what would be the appropriate thing to do. Still, we don’t do it or do something else.
This may raise the questions on the existence of determination, free will, spirits, ghosts and the perfect chocolate cream. Alright, maybe I drifted a bit away. The problem comes with the environment we see everything in. More theoretically, it’s our own angle of view we rely on. So, when you see yourself standing in the supermarket in front of the beverages, you find yourself thinking about a free decision which drink to purchase. As soon as you virtually make one step back, you see hundreds of advertisements for the drink you are about to indulge. Switch to the third person view and zoom out of the store. You’ll see your workplace and your free will of choosing right that department store. The bird’s-eye view gives you further insight into your working environment where your colleges told you about that specific shopping centre. And this goes on and on.
If we’d finally zoom out the entire universe and, as wee addition, would be able to understand it. We’d probably find out that everything has it’s reasons and determination. Regardless, we can’t blame the higher reason instead of the rapist. Everybody has a choice, because we don’t know any life but ours.
It’s up to you!
January 18, 2008
Inevitable a mass is condemned to disintegrate into sparks of matter daring the insubstantiality of nothing but space, only to search for refuge at its own kind to build up new patterns of something else, and thus trying to satisfy its need for being special whereas the specification that would make it special is the same for everything of the same kind making it even more ordinary than the existence of nothing else, which leaves the feeling of an useless search for a meaning, regardless of the fact that a meaning could only make sense with the knowledge of everything as well as of its underlying condition called nothing at all.
I’m going to give it up here. I don’t want to give away every secret life offers. Honestly, one has to go far just to find out who he or she really is and where one belongs to. Maybe we won’t find it out at all. But does it really matter? Shouldn’t we enjoy every single thing even if it only leaves a bitter taste in your mouth? Every moment is worth breathing air into your lungs like it would be the one single really existing matter filling us with something we would call hope for finding more. More that’s waiting for us, out of our current sight, but knowing that we’re coming to taste it like it was the rain after running a marathon.
Knowledge is the weight on your shoulders just like it is your parachute!
December 19, 2007
