Life-changing things that don’t matter

Normally, I’d like to say that there are always two ways: the friendly one and the honest one. Nonetheless, when it comes to be factually there seems to be not so much of a choice. In the sense of communication objectivity can only be achieved by knowing how both, transmitter and receiver, are going to understand a specific message. For humans that is hard indeed, cause there are no strict standards for conversations.
If you just think about some factors like speed, tone, word order, facial expression a lot of possible and different statements can be created even with the same words. As for the message itself, always problematic are for example comparisons, clauses and restrictions. The phrase ‘I like you, but..’ has always a kind of a killer effect. One reason may be that the but-part is the exception to which is usually given more weight.

Another problem shows up when people realise something said might be misunderstood. They switch into defensive mode and that just has to seem like you’re wrong for your conversational counterpart. Even with words less is often more. Skip the unnecessary filler words. Objectivity in the understanding within a group of more than two people would be real luck. You’re sometimes better off by not even trying to find a common communication standard. It takes a lot of time, it’s never guaranteed and most people don’t listen to you anyway.
The answer is: ‘what was the question again’!

A fascinating thing about human communication is the variation we can find in personal interpretations even if the message is ever so explicit. One problem may be to find in the broad spectrum of different meanings of many words and expressions. Another, quite important aspect lies within the unsaid statements. The power of the underlying message. Sounds boring? Well, not necessarily. It takes an experienced listener to read between the lines but it needs an extraordinary thinker to speak through the arising silence.
And I’m not even talking about body language yet. It’s just about the breaks between the words. Many things rely on them. You can give someone a really uncomfortable feeling. More importantly, you’re able to build up tension. As I see it, many things are just results of silence. A hug, a kiss, a slap in the face.

But be aware! Tension tries to increase the value of the subsequent information. Good things get better and bad things will feel even worse. In general, breaks are useful. You can think about what to say next or reflect on the last statement. Nevertheless it can be pretty annoying to have a conversation with someone who thinks and speaks much slower than you do. Still, you shouldn’t anticipate words for another person. It makes them look stupid and you like a moron.
Good for some breaks after each sentence would be for example the following quote by Ellen DeGeneres.
“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”

Unsaid things tend to have little influence on world affairs. This may be sad as many great thoughts are lost within the face of oblivion. Anyhow, for some minds - believe me in that - it really is a very good thing. No doubt, there is always the messenger and the receiver point of view. But what does it matter when one is just honest and the other one is just mad. Anyway, this interface between two minds, may the transmission method be words, signs or smells, is a highly interesting field of research.
If you manage to truly understand what your counterpart is up to, you can probably achieve everything. That’s one of the reasons why rhetorics is quite a profitable business today. Its importance was known long ago as there were great orators in almost every culture. But, for example among the old Greeks, it appears that they shortened their lifespan by expanding their knowledge. Well, you should know when to shut your mouth.

Ever tried to insult someone while smiling by using a language the other one is not able to understand? That can be really satisfying but it’s also a kind of a lie and not what I’m talking about. What I mean is the potential of telling someone ‘I love your work in the way it is contrary to mine, which on the other hand has the advantage of showing the right figures and that’s the reason we should use mine, this time!’ instead of ‘Your work is trash. We’ll use mine, you piece of crap!’
Fight your wars within your thoughts!