Kinderüberraschung

Dezember. Ein Wort. Ein Monat – unweigerlich mit Schnee verbunden. Zumindest für uns Alpenländler. Die Restlichen besucht zumindest ein ergrauter alter Mann im roten Renntierpelz. Doch halt. Aller Neuestens trägt ebenbesagter Mann Designergewänder und hat seinen Bierbauch gegen ein Sixpack getauscht. Rückverwandlung in reinster Form, quasi. Metrosexuelle Männer haben das Christuskind ersetzt. Wurde früher Geburt gefeiert, geht es mittlerweile nur mehr um zwischenmenschliches Schnicksi-Schnacksi. Aufgeklärte Zeitschrift-Abonnements statt Comic-Heftchen für die Kleinen. Sind sie nicht schon alt – und wir noch immer so jung! Dankt den blauen Pillen neben den Partnerberatungsgutscheinen. Es gibt ja für alle Problemchen schon ein Lösungsmittelchen. Günstig und schnell kann alles im großen weiten Internetz geordert werden. Für die Angabe einiger Nummern lässt sich so manches Wunder erstehen. Mehr Kuststoffkarten braucht die Welt!

Gab es früher ein Land der unbegrenzten Unmöglichkeiten, so gibt es heute eine Welt voller unbegrenztem Unwissen. Dass dabei auch die Sucht nach Macht und Geld kaum Grenzen kennt, lässt sich leicht übersehen – wachsen wir doch so schön in unsere eigens geschaffenen technologischen Erleichterungen hinein. Welches Kind weiß nicht mehr was wir ‘googeln’, ‘downloadn’, ‘chatten’ oder was ‘xxx’ wohl bedeuten könnte. Wir züchten unsere Weihnachtsmänner selbst. An eine Weihnachtsfrau wollen wir da besser gar nicht erst denken. Unsere so gelobte Aufgeklärtheit kann uns nicht nur falsche Bilder in den Kopf setzen. Wir werden was wir uns gegenseitig vorhalten.
Und nicht vergessen: sende eine Weihnachtsmail an alle Freunde oder der Weihnachtsmann verkauft sich auf der nächsten Verkaufsplattform. 3, 2, 1 – Überdosis!

Sarkasmus ist der böse Bruder von Ironie.

Awesomeness

Sometimes I’m glad that I’m not some sort of language analyst. Or would you like to tell me why awesome can mean ’some’thing good and awful always has to be terrible. Not to mention the e. Never mind!
Usually it’s bad to start to write just with the inner need to bring words up on a shining display. You may call it some form of desire to create. Then again, most things are started by doing a very different thing. Many Simpsons episodes rely on the concept of a few short stories connected by what often seems like pure accidental thought. Comic writers like Scott Adams create their works by ‘just starting to draw’. Our minds find familiar patterns and thoughts seem to come automatically. It may even look like the results are quite unintentional.

That’s fine and pancake, but it will only make sense and be satisfying when you and your audience find enough connections to other areas they’re familiar with. When the result offers even more relations as imagined, that process can be probably compared with the punchline of a good joke. Mind-altering thoughts are awesome! It’s like realising that wrestling is fake, sex is dirty and a punch in the face actually hurts.

Talking about nothing

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” – Plato

To talk only for the sake of communication itself seems pretty unnecessary for some people. Well, it probably is. But there is more to it than most may realise. Small talk is like grooming. Primates form bonds of trust and build cooperation groups. They groom each other to get food, sex or other favours.
Maybe we don’t go that far just with small talk but it’s in a way the best option to start a conversation to get to know each other. The special thing about this form of phatic expressions is that it serves to find a way to communicate. It’s about evaluating the spoken language, style and level. Some do this even only to overcome a waiting time or an uncomfortable silence. Imagine two computers just connecting to say ‘hi, how you’re doin’?’ – sounds a bit pathetic, doesn’t it?

In general, there are the following categories of conversations based upon their involved topics: ideas, concrete objects and facts, people, the self. Their different purposes are: extend understanding and awareness, consolidate a general view, boosting of self esteem, attracting attention. Anyway, to start talking about something with somebody, you might want to consider a topic that’s neutral, without heavy personal information and hard questions. Make the talking part easy by staying simple!

To play piano with your thoughts

How do I get attention? In a former post of mine (To talk about sex) I wrote about the labyrinth thoughts have to cross after they entered the auditory system of their target. The shorter and faster ways are the more interesting ones. You take them by using catch words and by making perfect connections between various thoughts.
When it’s about connections my own ones flash like radar equipment placed between a coffee shop and a toilet facility. For the Internet similar rules exist. Hyperlinks are the key to success. Or, how many people do you know, still entering whole web addresses into their browser windows?

Sorry, this isn’t going to be an entry about blogging. That would be like looking up the word Thesaurus in a Thesaurus. It’s more about Clowns. I mentioned this exclusive species in there (In the dark shadows die) and their time has finally come. We are about to pretend that we care with useless crap we spent hours purchasing because of unnecessary long waiting lines. Hell, with current technology you may even order, pay, pack and send useless stuff within the same mouse click. Guess how long it took me to get your present?
If you don’t know what to give, then don’t try to force something into the ungrateful role of your gift. Maybe you were born to be careless and evil. So, be careless! Everything else is just a lie.
True love is just a link away!

To talk about sex

There is one way to popularity. Talk about something everybody is interested in. Let’s see: endangered animals? – sad, but no; their preparation for dinner? – probably also not the best idea; sexual diseases? – uhm, better; sex? – jackpot!
Let’s talk about one among nature’s favourite processes: reproduction.
He was standing right behind her. She could feel his warm breath on her right cheek. His nose was about to touch her ear gently while his hands slowly ..Alright, you see tension and details are the way to get the attention of your audience. Wisely used you can make almost any topic subconsciously about two bodies with one common goal. This can be quite helpful as sometimes you just need somebody to listen carefully.
For example when you’re told the safety instructions in the aircraft. Oh wait, nobody ever listens? I have to admit, the comparison of airplane safety information and sex is not an easy task, but let’s give it a try.

While our turbines are heating up, I’ll give you the instructions how to handle our hot situations. In case of fast descent and danger of getting wet, there are protective coats beneath your current position. If your breath gets as hard as ours, reach upwards to grab one of our air supplies and press it onto your nose and lips. When coming down, crouch and hold on to us firm. As soon as we’re down, follow the signals on our bottom to the next way out and slide out gently.
If you’re still smoking, we’re too!

In the line of desire

The last time I talked longer than a minute to someone, I realised something once more. As soon as you realise that you won’t get money, power or sex out of someone’s statements, they might become plain, boring word constructs. So why talk to some mate about anything if he cannot be considered as potential sexual partner, assuming that there are relatively small chances of a nice sister – or brother if you’d prefer, he or she wants to introduce to you.
Once there was Mr Pavlov. I’m not talking about his dog or the book Brave New World, which I regardless would recommend to anybody. Actually, I don’t even want to talk about him at all, but about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. If you can tell me the connection between both psychologists you will be rewarded with one of the cookies I might receive due to my last posting.

The hierarchy of needs is an important concept you have to understand to accept yourself the way you are and to find your own definition of happiness. I don’t say I agree to the whole concept, but it seems like a headstone to many aspects of life. It also eases conducting conversations. If you see someone going to the toilet, one of the lowest needs and thus weightiest, it’s probably the worst possible moment to talk about your own song-writing creativity which would be on top of the hierarchy. For me, the most important lesson to learn is the following: any attempt to satisfy your top need of self-realisation when you lack fulfilment in your lower needs like security, sleep or sexual intimacy, is most likely going to fail.
Make the lowest issue ‘breathing’ your top priority!

Things you don’t mind to lose but still regret

I have to admit, my smalltalk skills were never perfect. Though, there was this time I could talk about all the small, unimportant and pretty much less interesting things than my parents sex life.
It seems that I’ve lost it all. Don’t get me wrong, but what question is more useless than the one where you ask a girl in a club if she really likes to listen to this kind of music? Sometimes, I tend to go with ‘Do you want to skip the talking part and switch directly to the fluid-exchange?’ like performed in the movie ‘In a beautiful mind’. But really, the woman of today would not flush and run away anymore, but more fatal, kick you in your basement.
What’s wrong with today’s conversations? Everybody wants sophistication but nobody wants to think or do anything for it.

The whole conversation-going-down-the-drain maybe sticks out most in nowadays chat rooms. Ever talked to a 14-year-old who’s ability is to ask 10 questions within 10 seconds and then awaits to answer questions with yes and no? I mean, if the first 10 questions would even be interesting, you could maybe have at least two minutes of fun. On the bright side, its pretty easy to find out if someone is below the legal intercourse age. But never mind, in fact with most people you wouldn’t even want to talk in real life anyways. Not to speak of the more fleshy things.

Let’s be honest, everybody is against stereotypy if it’s about racism, but when it comes to the decision of things, most people go with the masses.
It’s hard to be special if you want to be ordinary!